The Uncut Press-Conference of MS Dhoni

Sticking to the tradition of losing (well, there were one or two totally  unintentional accidental cases, where India won – but you have to note –  that did not affect the result of the entire series at all), today Indian National Cricket team under Shri Mahendra Singh Dhoni loses another ODI against England. After the match, Dhoni was kind enough to come in the press conference.  And he came, he saw and he conquered.

This reporter of The Analyst was one of the fortunate ones, who attended it. He strongly repeats his statement when he was asked whether he would step down. “NEVER!” was his single word answer.  And he has then furnished some superb cutting-edge logic.

“Cricket is a team game, just like politics. When Congress lost the battle of Uttar Pradesh, there was Digvijaya Singh to take the responsibility on his shoulder. Remember, Rahul Gandhi was the captain of the campaign. Still Diggy did so. If I don’t have someone like Diggy in my team, what can I do?” – Dhoni simply knocked-out the journo by these words.

He further added, “I repeat, Cricket is a team game. I did whatever I could”. Citing the reference of his recent century and even today’s innings (32 runs on 25 balls) he clarified, “Captain’s performance is not everything. See, wherever Rahul Gandhi campaigned in Gujarat, Congress won. But still Congress could not do well overall. ”

One reporter tried to question whether Rahul was really the skipper in case of Gujarat, Dhoni cut him in the middle (well, even Arnab Goswami can learn this stance from Dhoni) and said – “Don’t ask silly question. Let me finish. Yes, in India, Guests are treated as Gods. Here everyone, including Javed Miandad, is warmly welcome. And if our guests lose matches  here,  what the message would go in the world?” After hearing this response, the reporters forgot to ask why he lost consecutive eight tests abroad.

The way he tackled the journalists, several political parties secretly contacted him with some exclusive offers of making him the General Secretary of media cell (or something like that). Though the details of the packages are not currently available, our unconfirmed sources say that the most lucrative one has come from none other than Indian National Congress (though Dhoni’s comments are anti-congress, according to some self-proclaimed political analysts), where there are still enormous need of the political managers, despite having some brilliant ones in their squad.

Even the most vocal fans of Sourav Ganguly are appreciating the way Dhoni played with the veteran scribes.  But some of them are still busy in nitpicking. Rajnish Gangulian (this is one of the most popular ways of writing name among the die-hard supporters of DADA to show their madness) is one of them. He said to The Analyst, “Well, the sporting as well as the managerial skill he showed in the press conference is awesome. If he applies even 10% of his wit in the games, probably India would be in a far better position.”

And yes, Srini uncle, in the meantime, is spending sleepless nights to find a way to felicitate Dhoni that he deserves, for his brilliant and charismatic press-conference. “He is the new youth-icon of India!”, Srini Uncle exclaimed in joy when this reporter of The Analyst has contacted him. 

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This is a purely fictional work which has no relation with the truth.